1. Yelling to those made you on your nerves but can’t?
2. Trying to be rude, but your inner voice held you back
3. Showing your real emotion yet you still act normal in a tense situation
4. Punch someone in your face, someone you dislike for no reason
5. Hating someone for their bitchy attitude and ugly looks yet still treat them well and with respect.
6. Grab someone’s head and hit it to the wall then watch them cry?
7. Reading this makes you SMILE,
Congrates, you’re suppressing your anger!
Will try to cover it with instrument next time.
- ”No promises” song - By Shane Ward
1. Literally smile when they see or talk to you
2. You don’t get nervous around them anymore.
3. Sometimes, fantasizing happy moments with them soothes everything.
4. Magically motivated when you think of them and how amazing “human” they are because others seems like unreal to you.
5. You go all out to make them happy.
6. Telling them your innermost thoughts and secrets
7. Accepting the truth that one day they might be gone and you will try anything to cherish them
8. Looking them in the eyes and tell them, ” I don’t want to lose you”
9. Wanting to hug them, all the time if they are near you.
10. You find yourself in tears if you would ever have to lost them someday.Or just by thinking.
- The song “Ransom” by Ryan Tedder
Life being the eldest is exceptionally HARD.
You are EXPECTED to be matured enough.
You are REQUIRED to be self-sufficient.
You are NEEDED to be there to save people’s ass, while abandoning YOURS.
You are DEMANDED to explain yourselves in a negative way when things gone WRONG and MISTAKES are made unintentionally.
I cannot stress out more on about how it is hard to be the eldest in family if the people around you do not comprehend what you are going through in life. Be it the choice of your education wise, how simple you want to live your life, choosing your ideal significant others,your own inner beliefs or simply how you behave around people.
I believe people do make mistakes of trusting the wrong company and people who seemed to promise that they are going to be there in times of desperation, horror or in misdemeanor, as simple as “you needed them to comfort you through the hardships and obstacle in life”. Here we go, mistakes being made as the eldest are simply unbearable and sometimes are caused by how Life wants US to learn from mistakes. Some mistakes are being made without any direct intentions and we suffer from the consequences alone.
Most of us fight really hard to get what we want in life.So be proud if you have completed your goals or obtain what we wanted in LIFE.
Some parents might think life is over for us. We create tragedies. Embarrassment.Shame. Guilt. Fucked Up. Wronged. Directionless. Immature. Labelled.
While deep withing inside every ELDEST.
We just want a figure to lean on, to accept us. Our past, mistakes and how we can transformed into a reliable human when the right moment has come. If a parent/sibling/relative/loved one is unable to be there for us, to understand each major chapters, issues or life conflicts that happened in our life and keep judging us from our mistakes, that they won’t have any trust left in us anymore is completely unacceptable.
We also demand a person to understand without judging or putting a value of “bad” or “good” in defining us, as the eldest.
Be whatever it is..
Eldest sibling, sister, brother or figure among all is a tough job.People do not know the amount of time needed to heal our scars, pains and disappointment in ourselves just to go on with living.
Sometimes,it is a journey of tears gushing out in silence
Sometimes,it is a journey of being the best among the best.
Sometimes, it is a journey to be free from being controlled.
It is a state where we wanted to be left alone and just cry to someone that would hold us, as much as we wanted to hold on them.
All WE NEED IS ACCEPTANCE FROM THE ONE WE LOVED THE MOST.